Do You Know Where Friendship Ends and Passion Does Begin

xi Qualities Of A Skillful Friend & Ways To Be An Even Meliorate One

One of the almost important and formative types of relationships you volition experience in a lifetime is friendship. Friends are people you can share intimacies and experiences with, and you are an important part of each other'due south lives. They give you lot a sense of belonging and security knowing you are loved and cherished by the people you virtually care for.

The beauty of friendship is that y'all get to choose your friends, unlike with family. But anyone who'due south ever had a negative feel with someone they thought was a friend tin can probably attest to the fact that it isn't always easy to spot truthful friendship. So we spoke with mental health experts Chaute Thompson, LMHC, and Jinnie Cristerna, LCSW, Rh.D., CHt, about what exactly makes someone a good friend and some tips on how to be a expert friend yourself.

What makes a good friend?

Honesty

Of all the traits a skillful friend could take, honesty is certainly amid the most important. An honest friend is someone who can and volition tell you the truth instead of lying to you to keep y'all happy or placate yous. A good friend will tell yous the truth even if it's hard, Cristerna says, because they love y'all.

Beingness nonjudgmental

A nonjudgmental friend makes you lot feel confident in and loved for who you are and not someone who instills cocky-doubt or insecurity in yous. Nonjudgmental friends heed to you and do their best to see things from your point of view.

Acceptance

True friends accept yous even when your lives move in dissimilar directions. Truthful friends understand that your choices are yours and accept those decisions because they know that what's right for them isn't necessarily right for you.

Trustworthiness

Trust lets the states feel safe with friends—safe to be vulnerable and to share our plans, our true selves, and our lives. A trustworthy friend keeps your secrets, keeps their promises, and is undecayed.

Depression-maintenance

Many longtime friends point to the fact that when they haven't been in touch for a while and finally reconnect, information technology is as if no fourth dimension has passed. In other words, friends shouldn't require all of your attention all of the time and understand when life gets decorated.

Tips for how to be a expert friend:

1. Prioritize making time for each other.

Free time is sacred because we don't have much of it. At the same time, friendships abound through shared experiences and quality time together. The mark of a good friend is someone who makes time for you lot and makes spending fourth dimension with you a priority. A good friend will likewise look for opportunities to maximize the time you have together by seeking fun and unique experiences that strengthen and maintain your bond.

ii. Open up upward and let each other to exist vulnerable.

A good friend is someone genuine, someone with whom you can be yourself and they can be themselves around you, Cristerna explains. A practiced friend allows y'all to exist vulnerable with them and vice versa, meaning you can expose your emotions and circumstances with each other and trust one another to listen, be supportive, and have each other's best interests at center.

"Existence able to have fun and share special memories are the result of having a trusting relationship that feels safety," Cristerna adds. "For example, all of my friends and I accept an understanding that we support one some other in every way (yes, even ridiculous ways!), unless the level of ridiculousness is too much or would create a situation where we feel uncomfortable."

3. Pay attention to the trivial things.

"A good friend is able to read betwixt the lines of what's being said because they pay attention, and they know your heart," Thompson says. "For instance, if I ask, 'How are you doing?' to a close friend and the response is 'OK,' I know immediately that she is not OK. A good friend pays attention to the details because y'all care to have the time to empathise the heart of your friend."

4. Be willing to challenge each other.

A skillful friend pushes you lot to abound, will let yous know when you are on the wrong path, and will "challenge you lot when you need to exist challenged," says Thompson. And this is "all washed in love and with respect." In this style, you can grow together and support each other along the manner.

"In a personal story, I was angry with someone, and one of my skillful friends stopped me midway through my bluster and said, 'Jinnie, yous know you're wrong. I am always with y'all, but on this one, I can't ride with ya. Stop and remember nearly the office you played in this.' That moment stays with me to this day considering she loved me enough to tell me to knock it off, and it came from a place of beloved. I was able to receive it because of that," Cristerna explains. "That's what friends do."

v. But be open-minded.

To exist a good friend, you take to exist open-minded, says Thompson. Beingness open up-minded allows your friend to be their truthful selves, especially when they are making decisions. Past remaining open-minded and not inserting your ain biases into your friend'due south decision-making, you demonstrate that you are understanding and supportive.

"Good friends back up us, give us space to be ourselves and brand mistakes, and they respect boundaries," Cristerna adds.

6. Look out for them.

"A good friend is a courageous friend who will stand up and do the right thing when no one is looking and fifty-fifty if it doesn't benefit them. This may not be the type of definition nearly people have about courage, just trust me—it takes a lot of courage to exercise this," Cristerna says.

For example, you might find yourself in situations where other people aren't treating your friend well or where you know your friend may be put in a pasty state of affairs. Every bit much as possible, a good friend is willing to stick their cervix out on behalf of their friends, whether that ways shutting down gossip near them, making certain they get home safe after a night out, or something else.

What nearly bad friends?

Here are some signs of an unhealthy friendship, co-ordinate to Thompson:

• Y'all feel drained whenever you lot talk to them.
• The friendship is one-sided, significant every fourth dimension you talk to them or try to share with them, somehow the conversation turns around and goes dorsum to them.
• They aren't making fourth dimension to listen to you or allow space for your contributions to the conversation.
• Your fourth dimension or boundaries are not being respected.
• They don't respect your feelings.
• You lot oft feel belittled by them.
• You feel overly reliant on each other, a hallmark of codependent friendship.

Friendship entails reciprocity and respect, Cristerna adds. Without these two qualities, the relationship will exist limited and fizzle over time. When you are in what feels like a toxic friendship or codependent friendship, it is all-time to decide what is the healthiest style for you to end the friendship.

In communicating the need to finish the friendship, you desire to ensure that you own the decision and exist clear about how the relationship does and doesn't work for you. This is not the fourth dimension to blame, even so—in fact, this is a time to forgive and ask for forgiveness with grace and ease. Ending a friendship is already hard enough. Cristerna recommends trying to exist compassionate, so if you cantankerous paths again (and you usually do), you can say how-do-you-do and grab up in a comfy and natural way.

The bottom line.

A true friendship is defined by knowing someone has your back, no thing what. A skilful friend will sentinel out for you lot and ensure yous are safe, feel supported, and are loved. A adept friend volition never purposely pb yous into making decisions or taking actions that aren't good for you. A true friend volition e'er have your best interests at heart.

Here'southward more on how to deepen adult friendships and how to create a lasting friendship.

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